i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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