he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
