At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
