Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
