saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
