I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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