I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
God, I missed his penis.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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