do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
