tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
