1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
