Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
