Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
