A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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