The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
