I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
