i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
