Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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