Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
