And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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