oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's blow job season.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
