Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
