dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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