why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
