i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
