she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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