he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
