So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
