Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
