so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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