I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
