I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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