I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
