I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
