just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
