he thought i was a dude.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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