I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
