need another drink. this is the easiest way
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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