No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
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she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
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We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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