My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drink are we having for lunch?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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