We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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