You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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