Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
