i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
