Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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