i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
