I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
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Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
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Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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