....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
