Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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