I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
