In the future we'll all be gay
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
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You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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