Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
