I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
