I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
