Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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