you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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