Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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