Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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