So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
