this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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