a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
