hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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