Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
