I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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