i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
COCAINE IS GR8
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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