he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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