I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i would punch a child for taco bell
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
