The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
