one two three fourrrrnication!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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