wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
home. puking in laundry basket.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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