chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
