My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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