so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
