I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize