Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
