I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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