K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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