u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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